Coworker just plain "doesn't like me"

I work for a large company in a small group of 7 people. I am relatively new (a little less than 1 year) and have a coworker that just doesn't like me. I am a 40something female and she is 30. I think she feels somewhat threatened by my experience, but also complains that others do more work than I. I definitly carry my load and try very hard to be nice and fit in. The team is a pretty social group and often they do lunch, etc and rarely am I invited. I spoke with my biss previously and he talked to her about "being a nontem player" and was pretty harsh with his comments. I think that just added fuel to the fire. I am looking for suggestion to smooth things over. I just want everyone o get along. Any advice??

Reply from:	ant.hall
Date:	3/22/2005 11:45:00 AM
Reply:	I work for a global company and have a very diffucult operations manager who talks down to me and never allows me to explain my actions. He is abrupt with me and colleagues and is making my job hell and very stressfull, but if i take time of ill get the sack instantly for sickness. I have heard comments from my line manager that he doesnt think im capable of manageming my department although i constantly get praise from clients. what can i do? what rights do i have? i am at the point of serving my notice or lashing out at him. please help?

Reply from:	gabby
Date:	3/24/2005 10:52:00 PM
Reply:	I think you should nicely ignore her its all business. Say hello when you have to eat and when it comes to eating lunch by yourself catch up on some reading. It's hard being new but it will get better look out for yourself just remember when someone else is new to your office be an example an give that person a warm welcome.

Reply from:	kennethan
Date:	9/20/2005 5:05:00 PM
Reply:	I have stumbled along a similar situation and I have a couple points I want to make with you which will help. 1) Not everyone will like you at your job...it could be for any reason or no reason at all...get used to it because it is everywhere. The key is to stay professional with this person but also keep and arms distance. Talk about only work issues with her and say "Hello" in the morning and "goodbye" when you leave. Remember it is all about perception at work. Perception is reality. 2) You are still fairly new so of course you will not be invited to lunch with the clique(team) until you have earned the right from them by being there over time. If it never happens then find others in the office who will do lunch with you. The key is to be a team player in the office and not outside the office. Relationships take time to develop...just be pleasant and offer your help to them if you have time and you will soon reap the rewards. Until then....just chill and don't worry about it.

Reply from:	caz
Date:	12/6/2005 10:59:00 AM
Reply:	hya, the only advice i can offer you is to do what i have been forced to do, im in a very similar situation to you only its the new manager who i dont get on with, i have kept a diary of events and put them all together with a letter of formal complaint to the senior management, ive got to the point where i can bear no more of it and im now off work sick due to all the stress its causing me. Its themost uncomfortable way to feel in work isnt it, some of my colleagues will and have backed me up which is a big help in this situation, but for your job sake and your health and well being do something about it but follow the correct procedures. if you look under working practices online you will lots of usefull info as i have which helped make my decision. hope this helps as i know what your going through...regards caz

Reply from:	pla1554
Date:	3/23/2006 11:43:00 AM
Reply:	Have you read up on what a workplace bully is? See if she fits the role at all. I have the same problem but I am not the only one although I am the newest employee so I am her target for right now.

Reply from:	40something
Date:	10/16/2006 12:53:00 AM
Reply:	Its hard to see what she has out for you, but when you start a new job the heads of dept's are going to show their big A word. You got to let time take it's coures or how ever it is spelled.I worked the same job for over 18 years so I took my share of a##kissers & thought they were my boss. There is always going to be someone out there to make life H### but you have to work with it as much as a person don't want to.

Reply from:	legalmind
Date:	12/10/2007 7:57:00 PM
Reply:	Work is not paradise, people do not always get a long. You boss knows she can be harsh to people that is why he got down on her. Instead of telling your boss just ignore her as if she does not exist and make your own friends and then go to lunch withouther. If you start looking for another job lets unionize the place and you can be the union stewart. This would be grievance under a union contract and would stop as soon as the grievance was filed.

Reply from:	frstr8d_one!
Date:	5/16/2008 7:55:00 PM
Reply:	How about being honest and have a heart to heart with her? Something like, "I know we have had or differences but I would really like to work things out and clear the air. " See what she says. Listen, really listen to what she says and don't comment right away or think of what you are going to say. I know this is really hard, but really try to focus on what she says. If she says nothing, maybe she really just doesn't like you or she's scared you'll tell the boss. If she actually says something with some substance and has some reasons that make sense, maybe it's just a misunderstanding you can work out. Either way, she can't say you never tried to work things out. Just be professional and if she's any kind of human being, she will be ashamed for talking about you and criticizing you without cause.

Reply from:	simonsp
Date:	11/20/2008 5:24:00 PM
Reply:	Not everyone gets on in big companies - its just about playing the game. Make sure you are in favour of your boss and do not beat yourself up for any perceived misgivings to another person who is weaker than you! Be polite to her remaining professional and in this way you win the game.

Reply from:	glmel
Date:	10/4/2009 11:16:00 AM
Reply:	SHUN them...do not so much as look in the same direction this person is in. If they enter a room, leave immediately if at all possible. BEWARE, this will lead to a confrontation at some point ( which is what you want if you want them to go away) When it happens, and it will, SAY NOTHING and let them rant on. Now just HOPE that they put their hands on you....then that's their ass. DO NOT SAY ONE WORD TO THEM EVER....and do not strike them back if they assult you. An almost guarenteed way to instigate their demise is: when they do rant, turn your back on them and walk ayaw and softly say "blah-blah-blah" NOTHING ELSE and not loud. THEY WILL go off! When they do, do not call the boss....CALL THE POLICE...

Reply from:	glmel
Date:	10/4/2009 11:21:00 AM
Reply:	Youcould also give this person a gift. Buy a cheap tee shirt, wrap it with bow and all. When they open it and see it...they will go off. Find a shirt that says "PHUK YOO" they are only 10 bucks....worth every dime. YOU can always guise it as a honest mistake..."hey, I honestly thought you would like that, and that is the reason why I spent my money on it for you"

Reply from:	glmel
Date:	10/4/2009 11:23:00 AM
Reply:	QUIT...find another job first and QUIT. it took me 30 tries to find the right place...but yours is out there.

Reply from:	Curlz7
Date:	1/25/2010 8:57:00 PM
Reply:	I was in a similar situation, only I was the 30 something who felt threatened. Too many times we take the defense and document actions or ignore the offender. What turned me around 180 percent was when she confronted me. She did so in a way that was professional, and as many counselors say, she used "I" phrases. Such as "I feel as though our relationship is strained, what can I do to better our work relationship" or "If there is something I did to offend you, please let me know, I'd like to be able to correct the behavior before it causes interference". I know this is taking the high ground and doesn't allow the venting and yelling that may make you feel better, however that would only help temporarily. Too often these days we are too afraid to confront a person for fear that we may not like the response given. However this will give her the opportunity to correct her behavior and tell you how she is feeling as well. Do this in private of course, but I think you would be suprised with her reaction. When people are forced to own up to how they are treating others it can grow the relationship. If this does not work, take it to your supervisor, because she is not helping the company and possibly opening them up for a lawsuit.

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