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Toxic Co-worker
Posted by: ellen_ann
Date: 6/1/2004 1:40:34 AM
Here's my dilemma: I work with another woman (mid 30's...attractive, articulate, ambitious, hardworking) who is emotionally about 10 years old. She is controlling, manipulative, a know-it-all, an amazing liar,and destructive. But she is NEVER this way in front of people with power in our organization. I see the truth. I have told her that I won't listen to the gossip, and try to stay neutral, but if I don't listen, she gets really nasty and "sets me up" to fail in front of my superiors. I can't prove anything, but I know it happens. I feel really trapped. We do not have an HR department...we are a private organization. To make matters worse, she is now having an affair with one of my bosses...and I know way more than I want to know. I'm not judging her, but how do I set up an effective barrier from her for 8 hours a day? Her work is superlative...and she goes way beyond the call of duty, so of course, she is the golden girl. Help?
| Reply from: |
michele |
| Date: |
6/23/2004 8:53:00 PM |
| Reply: |
THIS SOUNDS JUST LIKE THE GIRL I WORK WITH. BUT THE ONLY ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU IS TO IGNORE THE BAD THAT SHE DOES, THANK GOD YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THE JUDGE FOR HER, AND IF YOU TELLS YOU SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO GO INTO, JUST SIMPLY SAY "WOW TOO MUCH INFO HERE" AND IF SHE DOESN'T LISTEN THAN JUST TELL HER YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN WHAT SHE IS DOING SO FURTHER MORE YOU DON'T WANT TO LISTEN. IF SHE TRYS TO SET YOU UP LATER , HAVE A TALK WITH HER AND ASK HER POINT BLANK WHY SHE FEELS THREATENED BY YOU AND MUST DO THESE THINGS IF IT ACTUALLY MAKES HER FEEL BETTER. WELL IT ALOT EASIER WRITING ABOUT IT THAN ACTUALLY DOING BUT ANYHOW IT HELPS TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS. BYE |
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| Reply from: |
traci |
| Date: |
6/29/2004 1:15:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Wow, I can definintely relate. I'm not sure how close the proximities of your workspace are, but I would suggest trying to avoid long conversations with her. You're not running away, but you are distancing yourself from a source of negativity. If she comes near your desk, you can be busy on the phone, you need to see someone in another office or need to make copies. She seems to be forcing you to listed to her indiscretions, almost as if it will absolve her of her guilt. You don't need to be party to any of it. |
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| Reply from: |
lovequotes |
| Date: |
2/19/2005 5:31:00 PM |
| Reply: |
Be patient Ellen Ann what she reaps she will sow!
Remember: Should you find yourself the victim of ther people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse
~~ you could be them!
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| Reply from: |
rocksy |
| Date: |
1/16/2006 1:22:00 AM |
| Reply: |
I can relate as well, but to top things off, I am one of the bosses. I happen to write this lady up. She is a friend of the other boss and the mother of someone in the same position as me. Now, the person is spreading lies and gossip about me. The daughter used to be my friend, but after I wrote her mother up and severed ties because of how much she gossiped about other people, she spreads lies too, including telling new people that I am a horrible person who is scary and intimidaing. If you find a way to deal with this, please let me know! |
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| Reply from: |
40something |
| Date: |
10/16/2006 1:34:00 AM |
| Reply: |
This is a very hard stuff to talk about. But I think the messing around at work is not right and it takes away from everyone else. |
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| Reply from: |
Madison |
| Date: |
12/26/2007 10:45:00 PM |
| Reply: |
I suspect the Stockroom Team Lead where I work is a psycopath. She displays all of the common traits of these individuals...lack of remorse, manipulative, charming, phony, ect. She blames others for her mistakes and ruins reputations. If only the company (a major uniform rental place) knew why they couldn't keep their Stockroom help). Hello? |
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